You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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