I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
