grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
