I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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