Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
