it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
