I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
did i just pee glitter
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
