Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
