the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
