Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
