Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize