So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
