Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
