He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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