Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
