would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize