I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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