Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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