Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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