I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
