What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
