He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
