Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
