All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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