Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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