I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
