no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
