I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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