Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize