I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
