your room smells of hookers.
And success
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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