So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
