just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
