My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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