The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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