I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
