I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
