I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
