Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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