On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
