There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I cut my penus on the lid.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
