Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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