eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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