I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize