I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
