TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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