Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
