I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
