you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
