wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
