i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
