btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
