They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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