i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Four minutes until I can fart!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
