Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize