Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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