I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize