1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
