never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize