Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Randomize
