Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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