You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
