i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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