The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
