I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I party with great urgency now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
