We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Are we in a gay sports bar?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
