I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
