i need an iv and a liver transplant
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
