You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
