Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize