I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize