I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
