hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
