My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
