saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize