You smell like stripper and shame
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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