my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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