I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
