I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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