We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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