I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
