Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
