life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
