remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
