i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
