Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
