i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize