On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
