the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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