Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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