I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
