ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
