Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
