shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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