apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
