You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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