I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
