Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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