I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
