got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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