I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
