by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize