god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
