this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
