Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
