I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
